Presence vs. Personality

He came up to me and excitedly greeted me.  He continued to say how happy he was that I could make it to their early morning fellowship followed by another statement that had at first left me confused.  “I have not seen you for three days.”  My initial response is to think, “Oh great, here is another Ugandan man who is attempting to make a move on me.  Why, and how, has he noticed that I have not been around campus very much, let alone for three days?!”  But I chose to suspend my judgment, as we say in my social work seminar class, and take a moment to think about this statement because I was sure he was not trying to passively show his romantic interest.  My neurons made a connection and I realized what this gentleman was saying.  It was his way of recognizing my presence.

Ugandan culture seems to be one of presence.  “The core of Africa’s wisdom is that she knows the difference between existence and presence,” writes John Taylor writes in his book, Primal Vision.  It is okay in Ugandan culture to simply be with one another without the expectation of a dazzling personality.  Silence with one another is not only okay, but it is anticipated.  On the other hand, American culture appears to be one of personality.  Americans value people who are talkative, leaders, and assertive.  Celebrities, politicians, and anchormen (to name a few) are generally outgoing in personality.  This is not to say that America does not care about presence and Uganda does not care about personality; however, I have noticed the distinction between the two cultural preferences.

Upon arrival in Ugandan, I was confronted through classroom discussions, readings, and assignment feedback about the concept of presence.  I found myself feeling that it was not enough to simply “be” with others because their satisfaction in my presence was dependent on how well I am able to interact with them. I have a tendency to be critical of myself.  There are a number of reasons for this self-scrutiny, but the overarching purpose is personality.  I feel as though my personality is not good enough to meet the standards of others. 

While I am relieved to make connections by simply being with others, it is still a struggle for me to feel okay with simply being with another person.  After a lifetime of cultural training towards creating a better personality, I am still trying to do the same in Uganda.  At my practicum site, I am frustrated that I cannot communicate with the mothers because I feel the lack of communication displays my lack of interest.  I also fear that the others in the office will compare me with their previous intern and that I will fall short of their expectations.  In my host home, I had found myself wondering if my family is okay with my silence.  I am still caught in the middle of a personality-crisis that is programmed for me to fail with any social interaction.  In order to successfully overcome my attitude, I must completely change it.

Elmer states in his book, Cross Cultural Servanthood, “Openness is the ability to welcome people into your presence and make them feel safe.”  I am starting to believe that the success of my time here in Uganda will not be how much I have changed my personality in order to make memories, but in how I have opened myself up to others and welcomed them into being with me.  It is okay for me to simply be present with mothers during home visits, just as it was okay for me to silently sit with my host mother as she prepares dinner because, as I am learning, my presence with others indicates my sincerity.  There will be moments for me to stretch my personality while I am in Uganda as well as times for me to respect the essence of who I am.  It is necessary to have a balance between the two in order to fully connect with others.  As for now, I am learning to be content in being fully present as I attempt to do life differently with others.

xoxo,

Emilia

My trip was made more financially affordable thanks to the Benjamin A. Gilman International Scholarship (http://www.iie.org/en/Programs/Gilman-Scholarship-Program)!