I QUIT
DISCLAIMER: The contents of this website are mine personally and do not reflect any position of the U.S. government or the Peace Corps.
Talk to any Peace Corps volunteer and the word "sustainable" is bound to come up a more than once. We are always looking for ways to make the work we do transferable to others, who we hope will continue with its upkeep after our departure. One of the reasons I joined Peace Corps was to get more of an understanding of good (international) development work. I was excited to be placed at my current site because it focuses on development work and is in a place where I can network more of my skills to a broader audience with a large NGO presence. It was my most ideal volunteer situation because I was coming to do exactly what I had set out to learn.
As you know, it took me awhile to get into my volunteer groove. The main reason being burnout, yes, but I also needed to take extra time to really assess the situation. Development work done wrong can create unhealthy relationships and I could not bear to do an activity simply to fill out my reporting form. I found the groove and, finally, was making headway with some community work that had the potential to be sustainable. But then I had an epiphany that made me question the true purpose of any work, sustainable or not, at all. Figures.
It hit me when I was walking through a museum about the history of Zambia. Near the very end of the exhibit, there were displays sharing information of recent-day Zambia and was a recap of Zambia's independence (est. 1964). It really should not have come to a shock to me as Uganda's independence is only two years earlier, but maybe it was the set-up of the museum. Maybe it was all of my experiences and conversations since joining Peace Corps Uganda. Maybe it was simply my brain finally connecting the dots. But it shook me to realize the youth of many African countries; in fact, some are younger than Peace Corps (est. 1961). I could not believe before countries had the ability to govern themselves that America had the freedom to decided that it would intervene worldwide.
Do not get me wrong. Peace Corps is a great organization and only goes into countries where the government has requested for volunteers. No work would be permitted to happen without this relationship with Peace Corps and the government of each host country. Rather my realization came from a place of now consciously knowing that I work in a country whose independence is younger than the formation than the organization in which I work. Only two years after its independence did Peace Corps come to Uganda and it unsettles me that Uganda has not been free from a foreign presence since its birth as an independent nation.
International development work is messy. While I have a much better picture of it than I did one year ago, it is so complicated that I don't know what the right answer is anymore. As a study abroad student, our program staff encouraged us to "live in the tension" because we were experiencing difficult realities with no easy solutions. I find myself stuck in the same tension, in a different situation, from two years ago. How is it that my opinion as a Peace Corps volunteer, as a foreigner, much more important in the development of Uganda than its own nationals? What would it feel like to have the tables turned and outsiders coming to America to change the way it does things because it's not developed in the right way?
My number one pet peeve about development work is that it often undermines the local people. And Peace Corps is no different. I have heard multiple volunteers talk down about host country nationals because they do not approve of the nationals' behaviors. Believe it or not, developed countries all over the world were once developing themselves and struggled with the problems (disease, education, economy) that are faced in many nations today. I can no longer view development work in the same way. I now see it as a way to control other free nations with our terms and conditions of financial assistance instead of the controversial imposing of laws and governance.
I am not writing here today to call for an end of foreign aid because I have seen its benefits. I have seen it in the people who are able to live with suppressed HIV because their medication is provided by PEPFAR. I have seen it in mothers who vaccinate their babies and learn ways to raise healthy children from that NGO receiving foreign funds. Yes, the benefits are there in many ways and there are people out there who need the help (and actually use it in the right way). But at what cost and for what means have we given this aid?
A part of me still believes in international development because I refuse to give up hope so easily. Yes, it sucks and there are many unanswered questions, but it is not (yet) past redemption. But I will no longer consider myself a community development worker - I quit. I am no longer willing to perpetuate the system in its current state. This puts in quite a predicament because I am not going to quit Peace Corps; I still have more learning to do. Instead, I have accepted my fate of living in perpetual tension and will work through all of the struggle. I know I will not get it all right. Even the wisest of fictional characters (the best type of people) - think Gandalf, Dumbledore, Maester Aemon - admitted to not knowing it all, but continued to mentor people despite their shortcomings.
This tension may slow me down, but it won't stop me forever.
Talk to any Peace Corps volunteer and the word "sustainable" is bound to come up a more than once. We are always looking for ways to make the work we do transferable to others, who we hope will continue with its upkeep after our departure. One of the reasons I joined Peace Corps was to get more of an understanding of good (international) development work. I was excited to be placed at my current site because it focuses on development work and is in a place where I can network more of my skills to a broader audience with a large NGO presence. It was my most ideal volunteer situation because I was coming to do exactly what I had set out to learn.
As you know, it took me awhile to get into my volunteer groove. The main reason being burnout, yes, but I also needed to take extra time to really assess the situation. Development work done wrong can create unhealthy relationships and I could not bear to do an activity simply to fill out my reporting form. I found the groove and, finally, was making headway with some community work that had the potential to be sustainable. But then I had an epiphany that made me question the true purpose of any work, sustainable or not, at all. Figures.
It hit me when I was walking through a museum about the history of Zambia. Near the very end of the exhibit, there were displays sharing information of recent-day Zambia and was a recap of Zambia's independence (est. 1964). It really should not have come to a shock to me as Uganda's independence is only two years earlier, but maybe it was the set-up of the museum. Maybe it was all of my experiences and conversations since joining Peace Corps Uganda. Maybe it was simply my brain finally connecting the dots. But it shook me to realize the youth of many African countries; in fact, some are younger than Peace Corps (est. 1961). I could not believe before countries had the ability to govern themselves that America had the freedom to decided that it would intervene worldwide.
Do not get me wrong. Peace Corps is a great organization and only goes into countries where the government has requested for volunteers. No work would be permitted to happen without this relationship with Peace Corps and the government of each host country. Rather my realization came from a place of now consciously knowing that I work in a country whose independence is younger than the formation than the organization in which I work. Only two years after its independence did Peace Corps come to Uganda and it unsettles me that Uganda has not been free from a foreign presence since its birth as an independent nation.
International development work is messy. While I have a much better picture of it than I did one year ago, it is so complicated that I don't know what the right answer is anymore. As a study abroad student, our program staff encouraged us to "live in the tension" because we were experiencing difficult realities with no easy solutions. I find myself stuck in the same tension, in a different situation, from two years ago. How is it that my opinion as a Peace Corps volunteer, as a foreigner, much more important in the development of Uganda than its own nationals? What would it feel like to have the tables turned and outsiders coming to America to change the way it does things because it's not developed in the right way?
My number one pet peeve about development work is that it often undermines the local people. And Peace Corps is no different. I have heard multiple volunteers talk down about host country nationals because they do not approve of the nationals' behaviors. Believe it or not, developed countries all over the world were once developing themselves and struggled with the problems (disease, education, economy) that are faced in many nations today. I can no longer view development work in the same way. I now see it as a way to control other free nations with our terms and conditions of financial assistance instead of the controversial imposing of laws and governance.
I am not writing here today to call for an end of foreign aid because I have seen its benefits. I have seen it in the people who are able to live with suppressed HIV because their medication is provided by PEPFAR. I have seen it in mothers who vaccinate their babies and learn ways to raise healthy children from that NGO receiving foreign funds. Yes, the benefits are there in many ways and there are people out there who need the help (and actually use it in the right way). But at what cost and for what means have we given this aid?
A part of me still believes in international development because I refuse to give up hope so easily. Yes, it sucks and there are many unanswered questions, but it is not (yet) past redemption. But I will no longer consider myself a community development worker - I quit. I am no longer willing to perpetuate the system in its current state. This puts in quite a predicament because I am not going to quit Peace Corps; I still have more learning to do. Instead, I have accepted my fate of living in perpetual tension and will work through all of the struggle. I know I will not get it all right. Even the wisest of fictional characters (the best type of people) - think Gandalf, Dumbledore, Maester Aemon - admitted to not knowing it all, but continued to mentor people despite their shortcomings.
This tension may slow me down, but it won't stop me forever.
xoxo,
Emilia
Emilia, your thoughts and words are so helpful to me. Thank you for sharing! Cheers to perpetually living in the tension...Peace, blessings, and love to ya!
ReplyDeleteI love your bravery. <3
ReplyDelete